Heights Never Scared Me Like Insecurities Do

It's time to break me open and strip me down,
I'm not so sure about this.


I'll have you know I'm scared to death.
No, not of death, of living.
Of being locked in the delicate cage I'm singing in,
the kind of intricate home that brings the sunlight in but doesn't let you taste it.
I'm scared of leaving though, too.
Leaving means change, and I'm no chameleon.

I'm scared of words because they cut, they define.

It is because I believe them that makes it so real?

I don't want them to take away the things that glow, the things that shine.
I lock those away and keep them safe, but the words keep waiting for the perfect time to strike.

I'm scared of judgement, of not being enough, of trying so hard and still falling short.
I'm the bird that hesitates before jumping, not because of the height, because I know I won't fly like them.
I don't bloom as a rose, but as bleeding heart.

Are you still there?
Because I'm scared to tell you more.

Hang On Tight

She sat at the window sill, poised and ready.
Waiting for him,
Poured her hope into the night, and it fell ten stories
Too tattered and beaten to fly
Too weak and fragile to try
So she slammed the window before the impact
Colliding with the floor the same time hope collided with the cement
And cried herself to sleep on the wooden panels that caught her when she landed

It's More Than Just A Thought

I seem to think about you as constantly as the clock is ticking.
Tick.
You.
Tock.
You.
Tick.
It's raining.
Tock.
Sorry, I meant you.

Sometimes I think about the past, but that's also you. The past is your cologne and hazel eyes and holding me tight when I needed you. It could be crazy that you're the one I want to be with every day, but I see that smile and I see that scowl and all I really want is to be the reason behind them. You're the reason behind mine anyway.

I've been thinking a lot actually, and it all has to do with you. Well maybe I spend a little time thinking about rose petals and cotton candy ice cream with raspberry mix-ins, sticky sweetness with a bitter aroma and it's all you. Yes, you are the addition of too much sugar to my cup of coffee, but in the way that I can't stop. I just keep pouring even after I know there is enough because I am addicted to the taste.

 I think about forever and I think about always and how the two coincide because when I'm thinking about you they seem real. As real as the rain that was falling down while we walked around the block with a small black umbrella you had kept in the car, just in case. As real as the wax that stained the blanket we laid on, listening to songs I didn't know yet.

I could try to distract myself from thinking about you, I could think about the dance I went to with him, the way he treated me and how dinner was full of conversation. I could think about the fight I got in with her, leaving the house only to walk ten minutes away. I could think about being tricked by a text leaving class so I could break down. I could think about myself. But it all leads back to you.

You're the biggest part of me.
This is for you, because all I think about is you.
Tick.
You.

Dandelions and Stardust

I still make wishes because it's my stolen moment of a dream come true,

My opportunity at a 'what if...'

My most desperate hopes live inside the wind that carries the dandelion seeds away

They sway so gracefully, as if I haven't just cast my desires upon them.

And the moment seems to linger, but eventually it is over.

I smile, falling into the grass to make shapes out of clouds while I wonder if it will come true.

It doesn't, but I keep wishing, just in case.

Is It Too Soon To Say Perfect?

I'll say it in the simplest way I can

With you I meet a rush of the most incomprehensible feeling.
It stops the beating of an off beat drum and turns it into uproar of exciting rhythm,
Twists the corners of chapped lips into a smile I don't recall having before.
It gives the kind of chills only found laying in a dewy field in the dead heat of July,
The kind of hope you salvage only for shooting stars after all the wells have come up dry.

And it all floods the walls I constructed after my mistakes,
Crumbling them so quickly, it's breath taking, in the dauntingly beautiful kind of way.
It reveals the things I can only tell in whispers,
The insecurities I swore to conquer and bury away.
I'm becoming the me I thought I'd never discover.

But I'm not scared, simply because you're the one that makes me feel this,
The butterflies that dissolve just in time to crave them again,
The knots that come just before I have my hand in yours.
It's the same simple happiness I capture in blowing bubbles,
Yet the same unpredictability as where lightning might strike the ground.



Perhaps it's called love

You're Still My Hero

Go ahead, have another drink, see if I notice.

Pour just half a glass more and throw the bottle away.

And focus your wary stare anywhere but me,

Because you know I'm angry, angry that you would open up these scars again.

You think I'm so invincible that I don't feel them,

Or maybe it's that I'm pathetic enough to prove I can't get over them.

But time didn't heal my memory like whiskey did yours.

So excuse me if I hate that you defend the choice that collapsed me.

Buried parts of me so deep, I'm scared I'll never see them again,

The parts of me that screamed and fought and cried and didn't care.

As you said, you made me who I am.

Now I'm as broken as you are, and just as good at hiding it.

Only I don't need to burn my heart with a bitter taste to keep on living.

Do you hate that I'm still stronger than you?